Don’t give yourself away.
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The image of me standing there, ankle-deep in tennis balls stopped me cold. It explained what I couldn’t articulate yet seemed to understand in my cells. It indicated how expert I’d become at giving myself away. This epiphany gave me a fresh take on the role I’d played in unsatisfying relationships: I was doing most of the work…
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The Overfunctioner’s Revolution is a call to arms to the person who overfunctions, not the people we blame for feeling tread upon. Overfunctioners feel oppressed because we haven’t drawn healthy boundaries – with ourselves and others. Tough love isn’t punishing. It’s clear-eyed. Tough means being accountable. Love is caring enough about yourself to change what you can now clearly see…
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I can’t play this game anymore. I was re-traumatizing myself. Diner Dash players “win” by raising overfunctioning to an art form. Catering to high-maintenance avatars reinforced what I worked hard not to do – put the comfort, feelings, goals and dreams of others before my own…
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The Connecticut dating scene hadn’t impressed me. I thought I could better connect with men who lived in my hometown of Manhattan. I placed and answered ads, scheduled appointments and then made a six-hour round trip for a first date. I suppose nothing smells more “desperate” than that. I wasn’t desperate. But I was working way too hard…
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Before my epiphany, I thought her “Ask me again” comment was narcissistic. I now understand that was my interpretation of her declinations; most likely because it was easier for me to demonize her than claim my feelings of hurt and sadness…
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Let’s face it, some people want your time and energy without showing a willingness to invest their own time and effort…
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“This isn’t about you, it’s about me.” That’s how I started. I didn’t rush. I couldn’t. I was hyperventilating. The little girl in me felt unsafe while my adult self knew I had nothing literal to fear. Diane was not a parent or caregiver. She couldn’t abandon me to the street. She didn’t pay my rent. We were not in the same location but on the phone. My quick breath, rapid heartbeat and intestinal distress were signposts that I was leaving my comfort zone. I kept going…
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I froze her out for half a year. During my thaw, an epiphany crept to consciousness. I dove beyond my misplaced anger (the tip of the proverbial iceberg) to the complete truth beneath the surface: fear that I might not have what it takes to be an author…
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“No” is the button that keeps us on. People who create know this. They know the world is all strangers with candy. They know how to say “no” and they know how to suffer the consequences…
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“When you feel yourself becoming angry, resentful, or exhausted, pay attention to where you haven’t set a healthy boundary…”
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Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy helped me to explore this dynamic: a survival mechanism in childhood is not useful as an adult…
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Thou Shalt Say, “No Thank You” without Explanation to Any and All Invitations that Don’t Ring Thy Chimes…
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As life goes on it becomes tiring to keep up the character you invented for yourself…